Peruna Needs An Attitude Adjustment

26 Nov

 

BOO-runa

 

As the annual holiday hangover begins to subside it brings with it the yearly retrospective of our beloved SMU Mustangs’ football season, sadly a post-Thanksgiving trail of tears in its own right. So this year’s new “Pony ↑” campaign ended on a resounding low as the 1-11 record was sealed on the road at Memphis after a 5-hour triple overtime heartbreaker. As a matter of fact, five of the Ponies’ losses were decided in the final 45 seconds or overtime with THREE OT defeats. Thankfully, we can say goodbye to head coach Phil Bennett, whose six years at the helm drew to a close on Friday night. An 18-52 record given the weak schedules SMU play? Are you fucking kidding me?

But Phil Bennett is leaving us and his ineptitude is not something to be focused on at this point. We can only hope for a similar departure for this year’s Peruna, whose performance may just have outshined the gridders’ in the way of crappiness. Of the three games that I have been to this year, there was not one instance that I can recall the mascot wandering more than 10 feet from the student section/cheeleader corp. Is there some sort of rule at Gerald J. Ford stadium that I don’t know about that keeps our hallowed steed from roaming free about his home ground? The spark in SMU athletics needs to come from somewhere and I want to put my vote in for a livelier, more fan-friendly character.

Dear SMU,

Please fill the aforementioned available positions with somebody with balls. We will surely finish the season in ESPN’s Bottom 10 Rankings, which is just embarassing considering that it’s been 20 years since the NCAA blessed us with the Death Penalty. The hangover must end. Thanks for your consideration.

Sincerely,

N.

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